For long, Tarannum Pathan has convinced herself: "So what if I'm not playing for India, I'm still the best."
Call it naivety or the incentive for a domestic player waiting endlessly for the fulfilment of their grand dream, it is a thought that the 30-year-old offspinning all-rounder wants to hold on to.
Thus, while Radha Yadav may have been at the centre of the television screen flaunting the Purple Cap and bagging the Player of the Match award on Sunday, in all likelihood, that's not how her longtime Baroda teammate Tarannum would've seen the world.
She was in focus for 17 of the 240 deliveries of action. Of the six she bowled, she managed to get Meg Lanning to lose her shape and play an uncharacteristic slog. So what if it went for a six?
When she came out to bat, the match was realistically out of her team's grasp. But in those brief minutes that she batted, she could've been dismissed for a first-ball duck and was saved only by an umpire's call. When she went for a hard swipe, she completely missed it. So lost was she early on that she didn't heed to her partner's call as she kept searching for the ball after it hit her pad and trickled behind.
She calmed down for a bit, used the bowler's pace and worked the ball around for a while, before being hit by a toe-crushing yorker and falling down. That eventually ended her dramatic stay at the crease.
Ideally, it would have been a forgetful 11-ball 9. But not for Tarannum, who only a couple of days earlier was feeling grateful for just being included in the squad, reminding that several years later when a trivia question would be posed on who was the first woman from Gujarat to be selected for the Gujarat-based franchise, it would be her name popping up.
She was aware that an opportunity to play in the XI may not come her way this year at least. But an undisclosed injury to Sneh Rana, the other offspinning all-rounder in the side, opened the door for her in the game against Delhi Capitals.
Irrespective of what story churns out in her head or how she prefers to self-motivate, she is realistic of the world around her even if ambitious with her aspirations. Her career is driven by both. She is among the few veterans of women's domestic cricket to get an opportunity in the prized T20 league.
Only a few years ago, soon after the passing away of her father during the COVID-19 pandemic, she had a fleeting thought of leaving the game. The financial constraints and the fear of stepping out had left her uncertain of her career. She had mooted this idea to her psychologist and friends with a plan to take up the job as a coach. She was dissuaded by them, and encouraged by her brother to continue focusing on cricket.
Her career despite all its early promise didn't shoot up the way she would've wanted. By 2023, several offspinning all-rounders - Deepti Sharma, Dayalan Hemalatha, Sneh Rana and Shreyanka Patil - had queued up for a place in the Indian team, and a younger bunch from age-group cricket were being nurtured. By 2023, she even left her parent state Baroda to play as a professional in a much weaker Goa team. After being disheartened for not getting picked at last year's auction, she didn't hold hopes of getting picked this year even while giving trials at the nets of Giants and Mumbai Indians. So much so that, she didn't follow the auctions that took place ahead of the 2024 season.
But nothing was to draw her away the ultimate ambition of playing for India, the desire to fight for it, much like most of her personality traits which come from her father. "I've never compared myself to anyone. I motivated myself into believing 'If I'm the best why should I look at someone else?'
"I was very close to my father, a lot of my traits come from him - the manner in which I talk, my anger, impulsive reaction. Even when he was dying, I could see him be stubborn that he wanted to live. He was a rickshaw driver. My motivation comes from him."
Tarannum Pathan has been a changed version of herself since 2021, enjoying the calmer times in Goa, her new domestic team. "I've gone quiet since the passing away of my father," she tells Cricbuzz. "Now people ask 'Tarannum kaha hai?' Pehle to dikh jaati thi, poochna nahi padta tha (Where is Tarannum? Earlier we didn't have to ask around, she was everywhere)'. But I'm enjoying this shaant (quiet) version of myself.
But even in this calmer version of herself, lies the trait of stubbornness inherited from her father. The hopes of wearing the India colours may have started to fade with each passing year but just like the opportunity came her way miraculously on Sunday, there would be hope that more chances could come along; to prove not just to herself, but to more people that she's indeed the best.
In Gujarat Giants' 25-run loss against Delhi Capitals, Tarannum's contribution may have been just a blip in the larger story that unfolded, but she gives the director no rights to control her narrative.
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